Tuesday, June 19, 2007

If I Drink Till I'm Blind I Won't Have to See the Pictures

There are some things humankind was not meant to know. Things that leave mental scars and leave one shrieking like Lady MacBeth, or things that make your flesh crawl and zero in on your primal defense mechanisms, or things like giblets.

For real, do you want to find out what one tastes like? I'd rather eat a raw starfish. Giblets are something the French would eat.

The last chapter in my Medical Terminology class comes very close to this category, it's in between A Sucker Punch to the Throat and The Taste of the Inside of my Left Gym Shoe on the scale of things I never want to comprehend. Because I am forced not merely to read and look at pictures, but to memorize these horrors, I am going to share.

For instance, do you know what a benign cystic teratoma is? I do. It's an ovarian cyst containing skin, cartilage, hair, and motherfucking teeth. Your ovary (or testis, depending) can grow teeth. TEETH! Why aren't you vomiting yet? I would, be but since I drink to dull the pain I'm a little unresponsive. I'm not an idiot, I know what a placenta is. Big deal. But wait! The placenta is actually an organ that you expel through your vagina when it goes out of fashion. Good God, it's like giving birth to your liver! But with a baby leading the way! I'm also a big fan of knowing that not only can I someday experience endometriosis, but I could experience endometrial tissue on. my. small. intestine. Maybe while I'm at it I could grow a chia pet on my spleen, you know, give my abdominal cavity a little more pizzazz.

Thank God I keep vodka handy, because I have to go study now.


rabidmonkey said...

my dad had one of those cysts with hair and teeth, but on his ass.

Evilducky77 said...

pattern to KNIT "baby's first teratoma". . .


Joe said...

You probably really, really don't want to hear that some people eat the placenta.