Saturday, August 25, 2007

Why Blog If You Can't Bitch?


I've been trying to convince a patient to go to the hospital, but my efforts have been futile. She continued to deteriorate and the cops picked her up, but she hadn't been EDed yet. Also, there were cookies in the break room, and I was starving, but I had fasting labs and I got no oatmeal-raisiny satisfaction.

My doctor's appointment began with a family history questionnaire. Basically, my answers went like this: cancer, depression, cancer, diabetes, cancer, alcoholism, cancer, stroke, cancer, and hypothyroidism. I can guess what is going to be the death of me. I would bet a million dollars that I die of cancer, except to claim it I'd have to die, and how am I supposed to spend it on penny whistles and moon pies then? Fortunately, I had a pap smear to look forward to. My doctor turned out to be super good at it, way better than those other 4 ladies who have scraped my cervix, but then I had a 45 minute wait for my blood test. On the bright side, it gave me a chance to catch up on crappy news shows and strangers trying to tell me about their medical problems. The phlebotomist was decent, but she kept asking me, Do you bruise easily? Do you take aspirin? Are you on Coumadin? Your veins turn black and blue so easily! These questions are not welcome considering mom has a platelet disorder.

So then my friend that was supposed to meet me for lunch completely flaked out. I went ahead and tried to sign up for my chemistry class, but it was full, natch. So I had to go to the registrar, and I had no idea where the registrar was. A phone call to VBG straightened things out. So the registrar told me to go petition the chemistry teacher. When I found the chemistry department, the teacher turned out to be very helpful. His computer, however, was not. Fast forward twenty minutes to the registrar, and things worked out great until she actually tried to schedule me. Computer sez I need prerequisite classes and I have to go to the back of the bus. Since I had the teacher's permission, that didn't matter to anyone except the computer. The chemistry department secretary merely had to be reached by phone, tell the computer to shut the hell up and accept me, and then the registrar could schedule me. I didn't mind the wait, but the 26 people behind me in line seemed to. My karma instantly caught up with me at the college bookstore, where the purchase before me involved 4 people, one credit card, a confused cashier, and merchandise with tags but no prices listed in the computer. Then I got to cough up $211 for one textbook, which is almost exactly the amount of money direct deposited into my personal checking account every two weeks.

This class is not through the community college I attended this summer, it's through the city's public university. Since signing up for my chem class took 2 hours, I figured it would be nice to visit the community college and sign up for my physics class I plan to take in the spring. Guess what? They won't let me. Why? Because I need to take trigonometry first. And? I haven't taken anything resembling trig since high school, when it was hybridized with some other math and called pre-calculus. This is when I almost cried in the registrar's office, and I HATE crying in front of people. The public university also required trig to take physics. The private university did not, but the classes were only in the morning, when I have to work. I found 3 online trig classes through the community college, but they had all been cancelled. My only option is to petition the trig teacher this week, so I can take physics in the spring. I have to petition because classes have already started. There are only so many night classes offered for the courses I need, and if I can't stay on schedule I'll have to wait another year to apply for grad school.

I stopped by mom and dad's on the way home, and they are always happy to see me, which is self-esteem boosting. Plus, there was homemade banana cake with chocolate icing to steal. The day basically stopped sucking after 5pm, but BOY did it suck. I have to keep reminding myself that someday I won't have to take stupid classes, someday I will actually reach my goal and it will seem so much sweeter after so much bitterness.


Saturday, August 18, 2007

Go on with Your Bad Self

We are awesome. We are sexy, strong, and totally do-able. If I was a dude, I would have a very hard time keeping my body parts to myself, 'cause my peeps are that damn hot.

But I want to know what you think.

Leave me a comment about at least one of your body parts that you love. Since I know most of the people that read my blog, I will call you and make you tell me if you don't respond to this. I have seen most of my friends nude, so I know there is plenty to confess about/be envied for.

Personally, I really like the curve of my lower back. There's something really feminine and sexy about it, and it is tough. There have been summers where my lower back was the only part of me to burn (from bicycling) and it took it like a [magenta and brick red] champ. It's been broken, and it still hurts nearly every day, but it has done everything I've asked of it.

I take after my mom's family, but my eyes are definitely from my father. Sometimes they're green, now and then they're grey, but usually they're an interesting blue/yellow combo. I don't even feel like I'm lying when I say they are pretty.

Plus, I have a sweet rack.

See? That wasn't too hard. I've had major body image problems since before puberty (I put myself on a diet in the fifth grade), I loathed it until college, I never believe my husband when he call me beautiful, and I still think 99% of the population is more attractive than me. But I think that when I am 50, I will look at pictures of my friends and me, and I will see how inherently beautiful we were. I just wish we could see it now.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Violence Makes Me Happy

On Saturday night I found myself slightly drunk, shirtless, and sporting a temporary tattoo on my cleavage. So I did what any self-respecting Danger would do:

I beheaded a pinata bull.

It felt really satisfying.

It was all for my friend's party celebrating her independence from British tyranny and pointless bullshit. I have never been so happy for a divorce to come through. Usually I'm all like, "Divorce? What a shame!" This time I was all, "Fucking A! Good riddance, you English pile of smegma!" We did not get to make his pitiful, sniveling message on the answering machine into a drinking game (he said "How could you do this to me?" about 25 times), but my friend broke out the henna, I won a couple of Smirnoffs, and there were cream puffs and Pepperidge Farm cookies involved. Few combinations in life are more enjoyable.

The party was preceded by a trip to Holiday World, one of the best attractions in Southern Indiana (besides these guys). I thought the soles of my feet were going to burn and peel off onto the concrete in the water park, but otherwise it was good times. I mean, I played Gobbler Getaway and it turns out I really, really like shooting things. A lot. I wasn't that bad at it either, I played with 5 other people (3 were boys, and you know how they like shooting things) and the only time I was beaten was when somebody used two guns and added the points. I am seriously considering going to the shooting range to see how much I like guns. I once shot soda cans with a .454 and did better than a brother, but I thought it was a fluke. Maybe it wasn't! But maybe it was.

Today I had lunch with my mom while she got blood and platelet transfusions, and later a patient threatened to fire me. I'm not saying I am too happy about it, but Item One really helps to put Item Two in perspective.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

We Now Return to the Program Currently in Progress

My last post was written during the Final Project weekend of Hell, I had a powerpoint presentation worth 20% of my grade on the line, and I had to turn it in by Sunday night. I started it Friday night. In the end I had 28 slides of chronic myelogenous leukemia information, which was 28 more slides than I had ever wanted to do in my whole life. Finals week sucked majorly, though the results were heartening. I barely slept or ate, if I wasn't studying I was doing algebra homework, and MacGyver was out of town. I took part of Tuesday off to study, and part of Wednesday as well. I thought I was so smart, taking 2 hours off work to review med term and take my test on-line around 6 or 7pm. It was a two hour test, so I figured I'd still have time to study algebra that night. However, while walking to my car at 3:15pm, I had that slowly dawning sense of dread normally reserved for Red Shirts and black people in horror movies. All of my homework and tests for med term had been due by 5pm every Wednesday, my brain reminded me, and I realized that the final was probably no different. I suppressed the urge to vomit and rushed to my computer as fast as legally possible (in the way that No Cop, No Stop is legal), and began my test at 3:50pm. I finished at roughly 4:58pm. The test was worth 200 points, but luckily there was extra credit, and I earned the somewhat respectable grade of 107%. That's right, med term gave me Hell for 8 weeks, but in the end I made it my bitch. My last algebra class consisted of turning in 3 assignments, 2 hours of new material, and 2 hours to take the final. I wish I could see my grade, but I think I got 100%. Now I am 7 credits closer to applying for graduate school with a 4.0. Next semester I hope to take chemistry, and I don't think I'll have that 4.0 anymore. I have until December to savor it.

Since school let out I have been trying to catch up with everything that school kept me from doing, like sleeping. I contacted a couple places about volunteering in their physical therpay department, but no one has returned my calls. I read the last Harry Potter book, and it left me craving a book focused on Severus Snape. I always liked him before, but now he is one of my two favorites, the other being Hermione. I just finished Dead Until Dark, which was good mind candy, and I have Alanna, A Good Forest for Dying, and about 7 other books in the queue. I spent a weekend in Brown County and I enjoyed every minute of it. I have actually gotten to see some friends and attend 4 parties. About half a dozen of my co-workers have quit, making cubicleville insanely depressing, it's so empty and quiet these days. I still need to sign up for a class in Fall, plan a wedding shower, buy a maid of honor dress, and have as much fun as humanly possible. I'm rusty at posting, and this is the best you're going to get for a while. So there.