Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Laying It All Out

Because I have nothing else positive to talk about, and because I like it when other bloggers share their teen angst poetry, today I am posting some of mine. You've been warned.

This gem is untitled and was written in 1998:

What would happen if I took this turn
and never thought back?
Can I make myself be a good girl
and stay the beaten track?
To turn my life from loathe to hope,
it is my dream come due.
My life lies crumbled under my feet,
and it's because of you.
You have run me down in this circle,
you shush me when I speak.
You've sapped my spirit in this cycle,
I'm tired and I'm weak.
I stopped following now I'm dragging,
because I'm on your leash.
You expect me to beg on command,
but wait until I breach.
I'll take off the halter and the reins,
I'll knock the fences down.
Unrestrained I'll fly off and away,
I'll never turn around.

My favorite part is how I have superpowers when all the bondage gear is stripped away. Next!

Also from 1998:

Finding Sense

Once I thought I'd die for you
and now I think I did,
'cause as soon as you left me,
my senses ran and hid.
After weeks of feeling empty,
feeling no love nor pain,
I decided to move on,
and find some sense again.
Depression was waiting at the door,
Anger was close behind.
Bitterness was watching lovers
and wasn't hard to find.
Rage and Hate were hand in hand
with Agony in tow.
Apathy was on a crowded street
just going with the flow.
I walked into a crowded room
where I got Rejected.
Forlorn sat on the sidelines
visiting Dejected.
I found Peace in the churchyard
while Hope danced in the rain.
Dignity held her head up high
and tried to comfort Pain.
Joy lay in a painter's brush,
Love came out of the blue.
My senses found, I'm feeling whole,
so all I miss is you.

I had a crush on the same kid for eight years, then he moved to another state after the 10th grade. I was so crushed, and I wrote this after mourning my loss for months. I met my first boyfriend at the end of 12th grade, and I still felt if my crush reappeared I would throw myself at him. Next!

From 1999:


Writhing and wrestling
In the iron-clad dirt,
The red soil covering
Two fighting bodies
In a crimson fog.
My sweat
Shattered onto your face
Creating streaks of war paint.
A piercing kiss
Followed by a soft embrace
Of your burning salty lips
On my bitten flesh.
We bled for power
In the red dust,
My nails raking seething muscle
Your hands pinning convulsing shoulders.
Raging together,
I flailed my limbs
In pursuit of an exit,
Leaving the impression
Of a fallen angel
In the rusty soil
As you called for God.

The lack of rhyming shows I was in college. What really makes me cringe when I read this is that I was absolutely virginal, and I cannot fathom that this is what I imagined sex was going to be like. Good lord.

I was going to add another two, but I've lost my stomach for it. I encourage you to post your old poetry, because it amuses me greatly.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Hello There

A few weeks ago, MacGyver helped my brother remove a dying maple tree and MacGyver brought a 200ish pound cross-section of the trunk home for a carpentry project. Yesterday he spent several hours working it into an end table, so there was a lot of pounding and screwing and power tool action. He sloshed some mineral oil over the top surface to show me the grain, and I asked about the hollow rotting spot on one corner. He descibed the rest of the project for a few minutes while poking out bad wood with a stick, and eventually out fell a...frog. This guy had been chilling out in our garage for weeks amidst MacGyver's welding and woodworking and oil changing and remained hidden while his home was refashioned into a piece of furniture. We left him by a pile of mulch next to our maple tree and told him to count his blessings he had Nature to deal with instead of Domino.

Friday, April 17, 2009

How It Is

My new job is technically part-time, but my higher-ups will give me extra hours for a while, and next year they want to make it full-time. So time my account balance will tell if I need to get a second job. This last week I spent training on main campus, which is chaotic and understaffed and made me grateful my actual job will be much, much more boring. I still can't believe it pays the same per hour as my old social work job but is about five times easier.

In other news, my brother is participating in a stage three cancer drug trial. I told him it's not fair to include him, since the placebo is a sugar pill and he has type one diabetes. My aunt by marriage, who is a retired nurse and full-time health nut and aerobics teacher, was recently diagnosed with an aggressive cancer. It metastasized from her colon to her lungs and liver, and she decided to try chemo. We don't know if it's working yet. She lives in North Carolina, which my cousin tells me is a miserable hellhole of a state. She might be a little biased, though.

Sunday, April 12, 2009


Wish you were here.

Monday, April 6, 2009


The job search was not going well. As of March 25th I had applied for dozens of jobs and only scored two interviews. Since my radio is almost constantly tuned to NPR, I often listened to Nightly Business Report while cooking dinner, and rarely heard anything to make me more optimistic about my unemployment. I kept checking out McDonald's Web site, trying to talk myself into applying. I had even decided to lie about my education and experience, as I had been rejected numerous times for being overqualified.

On March 26th, I got two reasons to hope.

The first was a text message from VBG, who informed me that there was an opening where she worked. The second came a couples hours later, I got a call for a job interview at a local college. A couple hours after that I had landed an interview with Kay the next morning at VBG's place of employment. Things were looking not entirely sucky.

The interview with Kay was...odd. She asked one or two questions, read me the job description, and scheduled me to come back the next week for a follow-up with her boss, Jack. I was happy that someone was throwing me a bone and there were many reasons to take the job, but I felt a little apprehensive. Still, I would have loved to work there.

The night before my interview with the local college I got a call. It was not a good call. I was informed that one interviewer couldn't make it and they needed to reschedule, and could I come in two weeks from tomorrow? I let Elizabeth, the primary interviewer, know that I might be employed elsewhere in two weeks, so could we do a phone interview? Elizabeth said she'd get back to me. I felt sick to my stomach.

The next day I practically glued myself to my phone, waiting for Elizabeth to call and reschedule. She didn't call. I practiced for my follow-up with Kay and Jack like it was my only hope. It sort of was.

The next morning I was getting ready to see Kay and Jack, and trying to calm the fuck down. I brushed my teeth and visualized breezing through the interview. The phone rang, and I almost ignored it due to my mouthful of cavity-fighting bubbles. It was Elizabeth. I did my best not to get toothpaste all over the phone. She asked me to come in that afternoon. I agreed happily.

My interview with Kay and Jack was incredibly short. I was asked one question and told I was overqualified. He promised to call me if they couldn't find anyone else. I wished again I had been accepted to grad school.

Elizabeth was very nice and organized. She had a page and half of questions to ask me and put her boss on speakerphone. I thought my answers were pretty good, but I kept trying to make eye contact with the telephone. I had been preparing hardcore for this for days, one of the questions I had been pondering that day. I didn't quite rock their socks off, but they did schedule me for follow-up testing the next day.

I took a personality test and an Excel test. I thought I'd mastered spreadsheets, but there were questions about commands I didn't know Excel could even do. I figured out a few of them by staring at the buttons, but in the end only scored a 77%. Afterwards I met Elizabeth's supervisor Theresa and her supervisor Susan. Susan took me on a tour and asked me about my background, even though she'd already seen my resume. She told me it wasn't an interview, but I wasn't too sure. We had some things in common, and she was rather encouraging. After three interviews in two days I felt wiped out, and spent the rest of the day cleaning house and making an amazing homemade pizza for dinner. You totally should have been there.

I had a crappy night of sleep filled with nightmares and woke up late. Instead of getting out of bed I laid there wondering what my chances of employment were.

Ten minutes later Elizabeth called.

I start this afternoon.

Saturday, April 4, 2009