Saturday, January 27, 2007

I can do anything!

Anyone know what I should do with my life? If you have suggestions that aren't retarded I will gladly accept them. My boss is worried that I am not happy with my job, and considering the career of a case manager is equal to the lifespan of a carnival goldfish (One that has been swimming in the green-tinted water for three days) he had better worry. I've been considering going back to school to be a physical therapist or a physical therapy assistant. PTAs earn an Associate's degree and get paid 50% more than I do with my nifty yet worthless Bachelor's degree. Maybe there's a field I can go into that doesn't require more schooling. I could run for political office, you don't even have to be smart to run the government. No one looks at your credentials to be a dominatrix. Every few years some guy pretending to be a cosmetic surgeon is exposed and sent to jail. I could do that, I bet you make really good money before the jig is up.

On Monday my classes to become a naturalist start. Not only am I looking forward to learning facts, but I get to add it to my resume to make it extra random. I would really like to know what kind of a job combines my skills of performing brain surgery on rats, massage, scuba diving, social work, taekwondo, and Indiana Master Naturalisting. Whatever that job is, I am READY.

Lindsay, if you have any input about physical therapy, I will gladly take it. Please don't make me beg.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Nieces and Nephews

My sister has amazingly adorable kids. They are all under 6 and they (surprise!) each have their own unique personality. Well, the one month old, I'm not so sure. She pretty much flails around and occasionally smacks herself in the face. Number three child was really, really ugly when he was a baby. I was all like, "Sell this baby to the side show and cut your losses!" There was no empty space between his eyebrows and his scalp, it was all dark,freakish hair. His nose was too big for him and he cried all the time until he was diagnosed with GERD and got medication to help him shut up. He is now two years old and is way cuter than his siblings ever were. I'm gonna label him "The Attractive One" and give his siblings M&Ms for being runners-up. I can't wait to see what this does to their psyches.

Anyway, they are a constant reminder to take my birth control pills. They are loud, illogical, secrete...stuff, and no matter how hard I try I never feel like I can protect them from the really heinous evil. I don't care if they trip, or break their toys, or they don't like dinner, or get teased, they can deal.

But what about child molesters and anti-Islamists (is that a word? Is that the right word for Muslim hater?) and George W. Bush?

And what if they don't know how much I love them? Somebody give some Klonopin, damnit.

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Is this good enough for you?

This is my first blog entry, so it better rock, right? Not so much. Kole made me sign up for this and I have no clue what I'm doing.

This week one of my patients informed me she is losing her home, has a court date, needs to find a doctor, and can't remember when her appointment with Social Security is. Great! The people that I have to contact to find solutions don't answer their phones EVER except for misdemeanor court. Sell your body/strip/steal before accepting welfare because all the waiting you will have to do for people to finally give you medical coverage or money or food stamps is not worth it. Face it, you have better things to do with your time.

Also, a guy backed into me in a parking lot and then yelled at me. Apparently it is my fault that he can't drive. It is also my fault that I refuse to reverse into the car behind me. I should be punished.

I just finished Microthrills by Wendy Spero. If you want your books to cover door to door knife selling, stuffed animals, a grandfather that looks like Einstein and had a game show in Japan, throwing glitter on your boss's desk, and candy, this is the book for you.