Resolve to (d)evolve

New Year's Resolutions I Should Make

Maintain my 4.0 GPA at community college and public university.

Put in my necessary volunteer hours at the nature preserve, hospice, and the nursing home.

Treat my body like a temple: exercise more and nourish it with whole foods.

Floss every day.

Continue my efforts in social work and learn to take complications and setbacks with aplomb and grace.

Reduce my carbon footprint.

Tithe.

Become a relapsed Catholic.

Write my thank you notes on time.

Give grad school an application they can't refuse.

New Year's Resolutions I would Like to Make

Ditch studying and go with Plan B: bribing the professors.

Sleep 9 hours every day.

Treat my body to alcohol.

Fuck this job. Fuck it to Hell.

Try five new positions, but none that would likely result in injury like that time with my neck muscle. Ouch.

Invent Chocolate Covered Strawberry Pie à la Danger.

Put in 20 hours a week reading books of my choosing and eating caramels. The gooey ones.

Don't just threaten to punch people in the throat, do it.

Get a job writing fortunes for fortune cookies or inventing ice cream flavors for Ben and Jerry. Or some kind of job that won't make me cry at lunch.

Find out the answer to "I wonder how I would handle this if I lacked the inhibition to..."