Saturday, May 19, 2007

A Suck Beyond All Measure

Have you ever felt helpless?

Wednesday night my mother had to visit the ER due to overwhelming kidney pain. She had been peeing blood and blood clots for over a week, so everything that goes wrong smacks of death. I called her oncologist and her palliative care doctor to keep them updated, then never left her side until 1:30am. I got her to accept a painkiller and she was admitted to the hospital. Thursday morning I filled my boss in one which of my patients needed assistance (I almost got to cry in front of him for the second time) and spent most of the day in her room. That afternoon I helped her sign up for hospice. The bleeding in her lungs caused scarring so she's on oxygen, plus hospice gave her a wheelchair for outings. I hang around hoping she'll give me something to do. I can't cure her, so I dust and do laundry instead. My mother is dying and all I can do is housework. Fuck.

5 comments:

velocibadgergirl said...

There aren't enough ways to say "I'm sorry" in the whole world for this...

rabidmonkey said...

anything i could say would most likely be inadequate, so i'll just say that i feel for you.

Joe said...

I know you're trying to be there for her. If you need anything, please just say the word.

bibliophile81 said...

I'll just second everyone else. I don't know what else to say at a time like this.

Evilducky77 said...

We love you. . .

*hugs*