Wednesday, December 3, 2008

The Ratings: Keys

Esc: Not once has the Escape key ever gotten me out of trouble, in fact, I've never used it successfully for ANYTHING. I'll be working an unfamiliar program, something goes wrong, and I think "I'll just Escape!" I push it and nothing happens. I push it again and nothing happens. I don't give up easy though, I just whap it faster and faster until I feel stupid. It's frustrating, like a spermicidal condom breaking and thinking I'm still OK, I have this dandy backup, except OH WAIT IT'S NOT HELPING. What we need is an Abort key. D+

Caps Lock: Who thought of this? How often do people type in all capitals? Did some keyboard developer's pinky get a cramp holding down the shift key? No sane person actually needs a Caps Lock. Sometimes I get emails in all caps, and it shows the sender is either very angry, or very lazy. Good to know. B

Insert: This stupid key has only ever messed up my formatting. I actually had to look up it's function to talk about it. I'm still not sure what it does. What's this overtype mode? Would my life be better if I used it? WHAT'S GOING ON*? C-

The Space Bar: Poor anonymous space bar, it doesn't get a symbol even though we use it more than the letter E. It's such an accomodating key too, so long I can hit it no matter where my hands are. I can use either hand! Genius! A

F2: Imagine you are one of 12 siblings, and only your oldest sib has any respect. But wait! You know Little Mister Perfect better than anyone, you know all his dark secrets, like the incident with the Lucky Charms, smack, and five Canadian Mounties. You even have photographic evidence and a written request for the negatives to be released in case of your untimely death. Who has the power now, F1?! B+

*I didn't even think to use Caps Lock. It's that unnatural.


Rockycat said...

The only time anyone ever hits "insert" is accidentally, and then they can't understand why words they typed previously are mysteriously disappearing from the screen. Spooky!

Danger said...


Joe Blaylock said...

Esc: I actually use Esc a lot. But only in one program, and it's not one that you'll probably ever see. So, it's definitely special use.

I've had a few keyboards with ABORT keys over the years. Still do, in fact. Usually it's spelled "Break" these days, though, because they want to sell computers to squeamish Catholics.

Insert: Agreed. Lame.

CapsLock: On my computer, this is an extra Ctrl, which I use a lot.

Space: Best Key Evah

F2: I actually use F2 a lot more than F1. F1 is such a whiny bitch.