Monday, March 24, 2008

Paper, Rock, Obama

On the negative side, Bush sucks and his approval rating is a scant 28%. Might the five year anniversary of his war have anything to do with that? On the plus side, he has given me a reason to like all the possible candidates for '08. Because, seriously, it can't get any worse. After eight years of a hypocritical, Earth-raping, illiterate, greedy leader, we get to have somebody else. No matter who gets elected, even if it's a retarded monkey, we can all sleep sounder knowing the most powerful simian in the world is not an incompetent tool.

If John McCain is elected, he will probably keep on with the senseless warmongering . But, at least he has experience and doesn't have an unexplained six month lapse in his military career. He might actually know what he's talking about, so he won't have to resort to yelling "The terrorists hate our freedom!" while pounding his fists on the podium to sway his audience. As a bonus, he's old and white, so he looks the part.

Clinton is a smart lady. You don't get into Wellesley for juggling geese, that's for sure. She's been a Senator since 2000, so she's got that experience thing going for her, sort of. If she is elected, we'll get more Bush-Clinton-Bush-Clinton repetition, making it easier for future schoolchildren to memorize the Presidents. Plus, we'll get to call Bill "The First Dude" instead of "Mr. President."

Obama could be our hottest President since Reagan. Rowrr! He's articulate and charismatic, the Democratic Golden Boy. He could have been anything, a game-show host or a weatherman even, but instead he chose public service. What a guy!

Right now I'm behind Obama because I think his environmental plan is the best of the three and he's pro-choice. I'm not so picky, I'd probably vote for that retarded monkey if it vowed to add the polar bear to the endangered species list and promised me free ice cream.


J-Dog said...

awesome! especially the part about the First Dude and the fact that bush/clinton/bus/clinton would be easy for school children.. that would have definitely appealed to me in school...

Radioactive Jam said...

Free ice cream would be a powerful incentive. Maybe *too* powerful. That's probably why no one's dared to add it to their campaign platform.


rabidmonkey said...

wait, did you just say reagan was hot? sometimes you scare me.