Saturday, June 6, 2009

The Future is Sometime!

People are always asking me, "Danger, is it the future yet? How can you tell?" I'm happy to provide the answer*, but I recognize the need for a checklist, so you can tell exactly when the future arrives yourself. Check off seven of nine items and you can be certain the future is now!

-Transparent Aluminum A substance vitally important for the survival of the humpback whale. Excitingly, it sort of exists now as aluminum oxynitride. The future is indeed at hand!

-Flying Cars Duh.

-Robot and Android Slaves They dream of freedom. And electric sheep.

-Robot Masters Indicates the distant future.

-Detroit collapses Next up, robot cops!

-Fancy helmets As technology advances, everything gets smaller and lighter. Except helmets.

-Wyld Stallyns is considered the greatest band of all time. Only in a utopic future, though. In a dystopic future it's Matchbox 20.

-Phasers Because what's the point of living in the future if I can't say "Set phasers on stun" and mean it?

-The Rapture We would have experienced Ragnorak except Baldr lost the arm wrestling match.


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